'Doing the dishes is not enough!' Woman Makes List of All the Household Chores She Does to Prove to Lazy Boyfriend That He Needs to Step It Up, or She'll End the Relationship

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Nov 20, 2024 5:00 PM EST

Welcome, tea-loving ladies. Divvying up domestic labor in the home can be a chore in and of itself! If both parties have the same standards of cleanliness and happen to enjoy doing different chores, then they are a match made in heaven. However, many people have different baselines for what they consider a clean home or detest doing particular tasks and actively them at all costs. Some grow resentful if a chore is not completed to their specifications, and others were taught to clean things a certain way that might seem alien or bizarre to their partner. 

Much like a small child that does not fully comprehend how the fridge is constantly stocked with their favorite snacks (thanks, moms), some household residents might not realize how much effort their partners are putting in to maintaining a clean space. In our story today, a woman gives her entitled boyfriend a reality check by listing out all of the chores she does in the home after hearing him complain about constantly doing the dishes. Get all the details by scrolling down!

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10429583616
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 02
    I (23f) have lived with my boyfriend (22m) for about a year now. My dilemma is that we don't have a dishwasher and I hate washing dishes. I only wash them about once a week, so my boyfriend washes them all. I really don't mind how we've split domestic labour, and he does do quite a bit.
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 03
    The problem i've been having lately is that he sometimes makes comments about how i never wash the dishes, usually we just laugh it off. But lately it's started to feel like he doesn't recognize the chores I do that he never does. Yesterday I was trying to figure out what i'd do for my day off
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 04
    (today) and he said "the dishes?" and it just bothered me. I've been cleaning all morning while he's out and I really want to write a list of all the chores I do that he never does that I don't bring up for us to talk about it later. Is that doing too much? Is it just petty?
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 05
    Extra info: he is a student and I work two jobs so i'm often out of the house 4-12h a day 6 days a week. He also struggles with his mental health, and often shares that he feels he struggles to keep up or feel like he's contributing a lot so these kinds of conversations can be difficult. 170 107 Q
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 06
    This Cauliflower1986 • 1d NTA. Don't marry him before making the chore chart. Only partly kidding. My spouse used to want a medal for helping run the household (that we share). The emotional labor is also real. The cooking, cleaning, laundry, childcare, summer planning, bill paying, various other paperwork and registrations.
    via u/This_Cauliflower1986
  • 07
    he didn't see the things I was doing. Delusional and felt he was doing more than 50/50 when in reality the data showed his perception to be very wrong. More like 70:30 where I'm doing the 70. Fix it now. And if he won't, trade him in. I almost did. Reply 257
    via u/This_Cauliflower1986
  • 08
    R4CTrashPanda • 1d My Ex-wife would only do her laundry (literally would soft through the dirty clothes for what she wanted to wear for the week and wash that) and maybe did the dishes once a week.
    via u/R4CTrashPanda
  • 09
    I did everything else, cool, clean, fix, child care, lawn, pool, the remaining laundry, etc... yet she wanted me to lavish her with praise if she did her own dishes from the day of freedom she had (she worked three days a week and we had a nanny that would come when I wasn't home). Ex-wife for a reason. Make sure people pull their weight before marriage. ... 49
    via u/R4CTrashPanda
  • 10
    AdElectrical8222. 1d Well done. I feel a situation like yours can be acceptable for short periods of time (both ways) when something makes very hard to one partner to be an active participant in the household
    via u/AdElectrical8222
  • 11
    and that's it. It baffles me how one person can see the other doing so much. I'm a slob by myself, but when I live with someone (roommates, a partner) I physically can't let things go or make the other one work more than me. ... 18
    via u/AdElectrical8222
  • 12
    randomreaderlady ⚫ 1d I would make a list of all the chores needing done and how often. Then discuss splitting the chores. He does the dishes, you do a chore he doesn't like. You can then split them evenly. There are lots of chore apps out there. Reply 55
    via u/randomreaderlady
  • 13
    Silent_Coffee_7292.1d This. List them all out, and decide who does what normally. Obviously, there has to be room for flexibility (if he's out of town and taking out the trash is on his list, you'll have to do it). Maybe even have it switched every 2 weeks so you aren't stuck doing the same things.
    via u/Silent_Coffee_7292
  • 14
    Sometimes, we only see what's in front of us. So list it all out. Not in a "this is all the stuff I do and yet you are complaining about the dishes" but in a "I hear you about the dishes. So, let's work together to figure out a good split of duties. I've started this list. Is there anything I left off or needs to be added?"
    via u/Silent_Coffee_7292
  • 15
    - But OP hate it or not, you should be doing the dishes more, too. No one likes the dishes. But it's part of being an adult. I hate picking up after my dog, but that's part of being responsible. ... ← 14 ♡
    via u/Silent_Coffee_7292
  • 16
    Mysterious_Fan_1849 OP 1d • I do do the dishes, like 1-2 a week. and when i was working less it was more 50/50.
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 17
    See like this is my problem. I don't care about doing the dishes, I'll do them, I did them when i lived by myself. But today is my only day off this week, i've already cleaned that cat litter, washed the walls, baseboards, moved the furniture to vacuum places that don't normally get it, I'm about to go grocery shopping and make dinner tonight and meal prep for the week, but I should also do the dishes because he needs a break sometimes?
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 18
    Like where's the exchange in it? like if I skip out on some of the other things i was planning to do today to make time for the dishes will he recognize that hmm the walls in the kitchen look a little rough, maybe i should wash them. or when was the last time the bottom of the shoe cabinet was cleaned? that should be done.
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 19
    I don't care about washing the dishes it's not about doing the dishes. I just really don't think I need to be doing more. ← 11
    via u/Mysterious_Fan_1849
  • 20
    Independent_Self217. 1d Nah, u good. He needs to know what's up. Reply 76
    via u/Independent_Self217
  • 21
    [deleted] . 1d You want to feel seen and appreciated! Nothing wrong with that. I'd let him know the comments are hurtful, since you do make an effort to help around the house. ← Reply Ŵ 6 ↓ ☑
    via Reddit
  • 22
    Rounders_in_knickers • 1d There is some kind of card deck you can buy that has all the chores on it and you divide them up. People find it helpful to do exercises like these for clarity. I think it would be constructive for you guys to make a list of all the chores and how long they take and who does what. It's like an audit. He may get defensive and overwhelmed, I don't know. But it seems like a constructive thing for a couple to do. Reply Q 11
    via u/Rounders_in_knickers
  • 23
    Positive_Lychee404 It's called Fair Play. 1d OP, if he gets defensive and overwhelmed about keeping up the house he lives in, dump him and find an adult to date. 15
    via u/Positive_Lychee404
  • 24
    chingness 1d NTA he's a student and you are conscious of his struggles to keep up with house chores even though he's in the house more. You have 2 jobs and had been cleaning all morning and when you were pondering what to do with your day off he suggested the thing he knows you hate doing but still do do once a week. You pointing out what he doesn't do may help him have empathy for you where you do for him. ... Reply Ŵ 3 ♡
    via u/chingness
  • 25
    writekindofnonsense 1d See. I think this is a case of him thinking he's doing the dishes For You, not because it's a household chore. That is what needs to be corrected, his attitude toward domestic labor. Reply 5
    via u/writekindofnonsense

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